Who I Am Hates Who I've Been
by HoneyLissaBee
Summary: Terri MacGreggor had to leave Degrassi after that day. Ten months later, Rick Murray came to school with a gun and shot Jimmy Brooks in the back. Rick was dead; Jimmy would never walk again. Spinner Mason and Jay Hogart were held responsible, but not everybody agreed. (Rated T for themes)


**Author's Note: **_I haven't done much writing lately,s o I'm a little rusty. I've been considering reviving my old fanfict_: We are Not Forgotten _which highlights the 2020-2021 school year, but in the mean time, I thought a few oneshots would be nice. This is the first of two I've been working on that center around Paige. _

_Obviously, I don't own Degrassi!_

Who I am Hates Who I've Been

She knew something was terribly wrong with Rick Murray. He had always been a little odd, but his temper was something else. Terri was one of her oldest friends, and she naturally felt more than a little protective. They all did. Paige, Hazel, Spinner, and Jimmy all made the same promise.

Her heart skipped a beat that afternoon when Terri and Rick walked into The Dot together. It seemed like an alternate reality. She told her to bring a friend, but Rick wasn' who anybody had in mind. There was _no_ way _he_ was going on their trip. Still, she couldn't deny that they didn't have an option. Terri wouldn't go without Rick, and the group made a promise that they would protect her.

She couldn't help herself. She was a Michalchuk and Michalchuks were known for their tempers. Yet, even though she was seeing red, she instantly regretted her actions. She meant every word she said to Rick Murray, but she knew she should have kept her mouth shut.

Yet, even though she regretted her actions from the start, what she really regreted was that initial moment when she didn't care that that Terri had followed after Rick.

If only she had said something sooner. She should have told someone. The police, Ms. Suave, Mr. MacGreggor. Paige went to Ms. Suave about Ellie Nash cutting. Paige and Ellie weren't even friends.

So why didn't Paige say anything when her _best_ friend was being abused?

In the list of worst moments of Paige Michalchuk's life, seeing the blood on Rick's hands and Terri unconscious on the ground was somewhere up there with her rape the year before.

Ten months. It had only been ten months since that day. Nobody knew exactly _why_ Rick was allowed back in Degrassi, but there was nothing that could be done. Seeing Rick in those hallways and knowing that, because of him, Terri was not there was almost too much for Paige.

Grade eleven was not going well by a long shot. First, Dean Walton was found "not guilty" of rape. Then, she had a complete menta breakdown and crashed Spinner's car into Dean's. That led to a pile of debt, being fired from her first real job, and breaking up with her first real boyfriend.

Rick Murray at Degrassi was the _last_ thing Paige needed.

Several students were laughing, throwing paper airplanes. They had drills all the time.

Yet, something told Paige this was different.

Her phone was on silent, but she decided to take a peak. _30 Missed Calls_. All from Mom.

Her mom was always one to call and leave messages during the day, but never this many. She dialed her voicemail and listened; suddenly, everything else around became still. The color drained from her face.

"My mom heard there was a shooting," she couldn't even believe the words coming out of her own mouth. Nothing more could be said. It seemed that they all came to the same conclusion.

Jimmy Brooks wasn't in class.

She found out everything later that afternoon. Rick Murray shot Jimmy Brooks in the back. The unknown. The thought that the former basketball MVP would never walk again never occurred to Paige. In the moment, all anybody really cared about was that he would wake up.

Rick was bullied. He was bullied a lot.

Paige knew first-hand what Rick was capable of when he lost his temper.

If only she had said something when she found out Terri was being abused. Then, maybe Terri would have never gotten hurt. Maybe Rick wouldn't have been bullied so much.

"I never blamed you."

She didn't blame Spinner. She never did.

As far as she was concerned, Jay Hogart and Spinner Mason didn't kill Rick Murray and paralyze Jimmy Brooks.

Paige Michalchuk did.


End file.
